It's Christmas but why can't I smile?

So Christmas just passed and it was interesting to say the least. I spent time with my family, exchanged gifts, made some jokes. It was a good time. On Christmas day, my cousins and I were trying to win some free prizes of G4tv with no luck.

Now amongst all this, there was one thing that was plaguing my mind. The fact that I don't have a new job yet and January is coming around the corner. With me worrying about this situation, a whole bunch of questions popped in my head:

Am I making the right choice?
What if Everything goes wrong?
You sure you know what your doing?
What if you run out of money?
Are you going to make it to Japan?

Questions like that were in my head one hour before Christmas day. And this state of worry has been stuck in my head ever since. I wouldn't worry as much if I had a new position, or at least more money saved up. I know its the holiday season so I should be hoping for the best for next year. But its like I have this dark cloud over my head that I can't get rid of.

Funny thing is, this same problem is happening to all my roommates. We are all college graduates and we can't seem to get a break.

One of the goals I have is to make a difference in my life. I want to be known for doing something instead of just existing. And the position where I'm at now doesn't seem like I'm making a difference.

If you settle for less, you get less. Never settle, but don't let life pass you by.

With the world revolving around C.R.E.A.M. Nothing is promised until you make that promise.

And right now, I don't know what I promised myself.

2007 KC Holiday Party

For Seven years now, me and my friends have this tradition of having a holiday party. We don't really get the opportunity to hang out with each other as much as we want to, so events like these bring back a breath of fresh air. The holiday party consists of a potluck and party games like white elephant or secret santa.

Being the person that I am, I volunteered to host the party this year. Now my mentality when it comes to hosting is either you go big or you go home. I don't want people to leave that party disappointed, and I don't want to hear complaints. Basically I'm like a perfectionist when it comes to this. Thankfully this year's party was off the hook. We had a rediculous amount of alcohol, a rediculous amount of food, and a large amount of people. The turkey I made was not as good as the one I made on Thanksgiving, but people still enjoyed it. And to be honest with you guys, its been awhile since I had a good time and payed for it the next morning. But luckily it wasn't as bad as my bday, now that day was just horrible.

We were also able to see friends that we haven't seen since we graduated high school. So you can call it a seven year reunion.

I would like to thank everyone who came out that night. Great times with great friends, that's all I ask for.

How I'm feeling right now

How I feel



How I really feel



A lot of stuff has been going on as of late. I'll keep you guys posted in a bit.

Analyzing the situation

So I'm the type of person that looks back on past events and try to figure out what I could've done to make the situation better. Lately there have been a lot of situations that have been going through my mind where the situation would've been way better if I didn't act the way I did. The worst situation is realizing you had a opportunity to do something and not realizing it until five minutes after the face.

For example, when a random BZ is giving you hints to she wants to have sex and you don't realize they wanted to do it until the next day. Ohhhhh if I had a nickel for everytime that happened.

So this past Thursday I met this new co-worker at our company party. She was a pretty lady who just graduated from state with a degree in business. I didn't get to talk to her much that day, but on Friday I wanted to get to know here better. Eventually some co-workers found out that she has a boyfriend. And usually when I hear they have a boyfriend, I lose all motivation. I'm not the type of person to be the "other man" to somebody. So I didn't think much about it anymore.

Then what happens, I end up running into her when I had to drop off a package to another department. When I ran into her, she was kind enough to help me find the cubicle I was trying to deliver the package. And at that point, we got into a nice little conversation. I got to know a little bit more about her, see what she was doing this weekend. It wasn't quiet that was for sure, the conversation was definitely active. When she asked me what I was all about this weekend, I told her about this art show that I was planning on attending. We were talking from the moment we ran into each other to the moment we left the parking lot. Now at that point I just told her to have a good weekend. The minute I got into my car, I realized what I could've done to make the situation better.

What could've improved

Instead of telling her have a good weekend. I could've asked her for her number and invited her to the art show. She really looked engaged into the conversation, and I think she was expecting for me to say more than have a good weekend. I also should of suggested kicking it sometime. Not only that, but when I said have a good weekend, it sounded like it was forced out. I could've sounded more smoother when saying by, like "I'll see you later" or something.

When I got into my car, I definitely was kicking myself. Now even though she has a boyfriend, you can't have too many friends. But maybe I'm just overeacting. There'll probably be more opportunities when I get to talk to her. It just sucks when you feel like you had a golden opportunity and you didn't do nothing about it.

Its time to stop the could of, would of, should of and started saying I did the dayam thing.

Turkey Dinner

So this past Thanksgiving my parents were telling me that I was responsible for cooking the turkey this year. And I had a sick recipe in mind, I was planning on using the recipe that my big bro did in Thanksgiving last year. Basically you start by lining the pan with jalapeno peppers, then you add vegetables that will soak up all the juices from the turkey. Now as for the turkey itself, I used a mayonnaise base that consisted of rosemary, black pepper, salt, brown suger and cinnamon. After covering that turkey up with the base, I added a layer of chili flakes. Spicy Enough?

Now on the day before Thanksgiving my Dad tells me to wake up early tomorrow so I can cook the turkey and have it ready by noon. So I ended up waking up at 7:30 Thanksgiving morning. And what do I come down to see at 7:30 in the morning. The turkey already in the oven. My Dad could not wait for me and woke up at 6 in the morning and prepared the turkey himself.

After all that talk of letting me do it, he did it himself. So instead of cooking that turkey for my family. I'd cook it for my homies. So on December 2nd, I invited my homies over for my version of Thanksgiving. Now since I'm not balling yet, my menu was limited but here's what it consisted of:

Turkey
Country Bread and Sage Stuffing
Mac and Cheese w/Bacon
Garlic Parmesan mashed potatos (thanks to my roommate Brandon)
Rumproast (Thanks to my roommate Josh)

I additionally wanted to make apple pie from scratch and home made biscuits, but time was limited.

All in all the dinner fed 11 people and eveybody was grubbin. There were no sides left, but there was plenty of turkey left. And I really thought 18 pounds wasn't going to be enough. But we ended up having turkey leftovers for a week. Which was all good for the house.

Here are some pics:


The Turkey before I added the chili flakes with the mayo base


The turkey with the chili flakes


The end result




The aftermath

I really love to cook, if you guys ever have the chance, you should try some of my cooking. Today is only Monday and for some reason I made stuffing, chili and a pie. So if you need a chef, holla at your boy.

The Half Alive Playlist

There are times when your feeling down, not depressed and not happy, just down. At times like these you don't want to listen to anything too uplifting and you don't want to listen to totally depressing music. This playlist is something to listen to if you want to keep your mood of feeling half alive. Not too depressed but not too cheerful at all.

Nas-One Mic
Linkin Park- Valentine's Day
Boxcar Racer- I feel So
Atmosphere- God's Bathroom Floor
Linkin Park- From the Inside
Blink 182- Adam's Song
Linkin Park- Leave out all the rest
Linkin Park- Somewhere I belong
DMX- Slippin'
Linkin Park- Numb
Linkin Park- My December
Flyleaf- All around me
Flyleaf- Cassie (acoustic Version)
Blink 182- Stay Together for the kids
Stain'd- It's Been awhile
Stain'd- outside
Sum 41- Pieces
Augustana- Boston
Green Day- Wake me u when September Ends
Dashboard Confessional- This ruined Puzzle
Michael Andrews- Mad World
Duran Duran- Come Undone
Coldplay- Trouble
Stone Temple Pilots- Creep

How Disrespectful

It is always hard to deal with a death in the family. Such a life altering moment can break a person mentally and physically. The one thing you hope for is that the recently deceased finally rests in peace. Now going to one funeral a year I believe is one too many.

Now this here is an example of some inconsidorate if not ignorant actions. Now today I attended a funeral today for my close homie, his grandmother recently passed away, God Bless Her Soul. So the ceremony was proceding as usual. Now after all the prayers have been said and they were lowering the casket, a gentlemen out of nowhere and starts making a ruckes. First he started to create a commotion by screaming and stating "Hey I need to talk to you." He continued to speak in a loud voice about how long does he have to wait until his ceremony can begin. This guy was cussing at the worker of the cemetary and even at the pastor of our funeral. Some ladies were trying to calm the gentlemen down because he was screaming at a pastor and his reply was "He ain't my pastor." After many people were asking him to leave he to continued to scream and cuss the whole time he was leaving.

Your at a cemetary, a person is returning to the Earth. People are grieving and even crying, and you have the nerve to come up to their ceremony and create a scene. Give respect to the deceased, do you not care that someone has passed away? By far he was the loudest person I've ever heard in a cemetary. A cemetary is a final resting place and this guy was screaming and yelling like he was trying to wake them up. This person could've simply asked when our ceremony was going to end, the casket was being lowered, so the ceremony was going to be finished anyway. But he had to act inconsiderate and ignorant and acted the way he was. If he had a little patients, things would've ran more smoothly.

A lot of people I talked to wanted to cause some ruckes at the ceremony that person was at, but they realized they were better than that. Its better to turn the other cheek at a situation like that. So please, have a little patients. Just a little bit can go a long way. If he had a little patients, I wouldn't be blogging about this person right now.